Who Do You Think You Are?

The human brain is a funny thing. Actually, “funny” might not be the best adjective of choice. Perhaps “outrageous” or “intricate” better fits the bill.

Nevertheless, I’ve learned a lot about my own piece of hardware that lay sandwiched between both ears. The primary takeaway: it’s capable of carrying us through much more than we like to believe, while simultaneously serving as a massive vessel for confusion and self-sabotage if so allowed.

More than anything else, what I’ve relatively recently come to understand is that my own brain, (and yours too,) is far too interested in serving itself compliments. It prefers easy self-dialogue, and greatly opposes conflict or hard-truths.

Since the birth of my first-born daughter, I’ve admittedly taken on an entirely new form. A new identity, in many ways. My eyes, ears, heart, and yes, my brain have been on a journey toward seeking out greater heights and a more well defined version of myself.

This, of course, comes via an ongoing series of hard conversations – both with other humans and within my own mind.

It’s without doubt that I say I’m leaps and bounds from where I stood just two years ago. The face I now see in the mirror is borderline unrecognizable, (both literally and figuratively …. I wrote about the former just a few weeks back.) I’m in a much better place, mentally and physically, but what might be the primary pillar of the changes themselves? This question is something I’ve been pondering on quite heavily in recent weeks, and here is the conclusion I’ve come to:

For years, I had this general understanding of who I was – what place I held in the wide-world around me. I was fairly certain that I knew exactly how outsiders saw me, and how I viewed myself. The values, morals, and self-respect I had for myself were all lock-tight within my own headspace. I knew what I stood for, or so I thought.

The hard truth? None of this was true.

The image of self that was fixed inside my brain was something similar to who I am today, and that was far from reality.

Who I thought I was stood miles away from who I actually was, and I had no clue.

Now I do.

For years, my brain had fed itself exactly what it wanted to hear. I had it all figured out. My habits were in a good place. I was taking adequate care of my body. My faith was in check. Lie after lie, time and time again.

I was lost.

My lifestyle and habits were subpar at best.

I’d placed my physical and mental health on the back burner.

I had strayed far from a faith that once saved me.

My brain had convinced me this wasn’t the case, but it was.

Now, here I stand as a much different person – as the person I had convinced myself I already was, with a much more robust understanding of my place in this life.

Through trials and tribulations, some difficult decisions and a complete commitment to chasing down what I feel I’ve been called to do in my time here, I say with absolute certainty that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, how I’m supposed to be, surrounded by those who I’m supposed to be.