Forged in Fire

I have done a lot of “growing up” in the past few years.

I’ve detailed my many life changes in the past, so I will refrain from doing so again.

That said, there are a few distinct things that have become apparent to me throughout this period of time. Pieces of this existence that have shown themselves as increasingly imperative to a life well-lived.

One of these is fellowship.

Listed above is the dictionary definition of the word. I would define it almost identically, with one specific real-world application in mind. I associate fellowship with brotherhood – the relationships I am able to develop and maintain with other like-minded individuals on a mission similar to my own – that is, to optimize my abilities in all that I do.

In the title, I purposefully included the word “overlooked,” because I truly believe that it is.

In the year 2024, it has become commonplace to ignore this vital piece of our daily lives. The COVID crisis of course did us no favors, but it is all-too frequent that we see men become lonely and possess an overall lack of purpose as they age. 

This of course cannot be only due to a lack of friends, but I am convinced that it is one of the leading factors. That said, to lump this entire issue into a singular category such as “lack of friendships” does not quite suffice, and here is why:

I now understand (to some degree) that it is not the friendships, or the fellowship experiences alone that provide us with the fruits we’re so desperately in need of, but rather the many things that accompany them.

Here are a few:

1. We need people to hold us accountable.

As humans, we make mistakes. We fall on our face and our mind can get the best of us. It is with utmost certainty that I say we all have, do and forever will find ourselves in less than optimal circumstances. It’s in these moments that we need others who have our best interest in mind to check us on our actions and to help steer us in the right direction. Speaking for men specifically, this is a key reason behind the importance of a strong band of brothers that will call you out and assist in some form of course correction.

Example: you’ve set some lofty fitness goals and you’re slacking off – it’s pretty great for a close friend of yours to put you in your place and to ignite that fire again.

2. Power in numbers.

This should (I think) speak for itself. We as a species are better when working toward a common goal together. There is serious strength in this, and it should be tapped into whenever possible.

3. Ideas multiply.

You hear cliches regarding this all of the time. Phrases such as “think-tank” have become increasingly popular in corporate America, but it really is true. There is something about bouncing ideas off one-another that assists greatly in one’s growth in all facets of their life.

Example: I’m the first of my close friend group to bring a child into the world. Three of them have now recently welcomed their own first child or will soon do the same. There is no greater feeling than offering some learned lessons and continuing discussion around this wild world of parenting. We all continue to grow our knowledge base and our skills as dads by leaning on one another.

4. Unity.

Again, another point that speaks volumes on its own. We’re better together, and find ways to reach new heights when coming together as one to discuss whatever it is we’re focused on at a given point in time.

Now that I’ve rattled off some of the key points I wanted to ensure were touched upon, there is one more absolutely worth noting.

There is no singular thing more important in this life than the nuclear family you build and work tirelessly to maintain and to grow. Again, speaking from the male’s perspective; your wife, your children, and all that comes into this life beyond that, are (and should forever be) at the very top of your list of priorities. They are the greatest asset a man could ever possibly dream of, and they should be treated as such.

But second in line, and nearly as important, is a group of like-minded people who will walk this path with you. Iron sharpens iron, (I know, I say it a lot,) but it is so incredibly accurate.

So, my call to action is this: find your group. Seek out this community – this fellowship and brotherhood that I’ve done my best to lay out. Build it, continue to kindle the fire and harvest the many fruits that come with such a strong addition to your daily life.

You won’t regret it, this much I know for sure.

Forge on.

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